Eruptions of a Reluctantly Receding Hibernal

Do you have satellite TV? We do, but that's only because cable isn't available in sparsely populated areas. Cable is better, trust me. We haven't been too awfully impressed by the service. It's better than not having either. When we first moved onto this farm there was a large television antenna attached to the house near the big crumbling rock fireplace. That should have been a clue. The antenna got three local channels. Not actually three channels, let me clarify, it received two channels, only one came in on two different stations. It also had some chemistry with the local weather. Not a good thing. Whatever initial appreciation we had for the thing was short lived.

It was March when we moved. This particular month tends to herald the transition from Winter to Spring and it's usually a tad violent. The remonstration of a reluctantly receding hibernal erupts in thunder, lightening, rain, hail, cats, dogs, and the occasional trout. On a not-so-good year, tornados have been known to skip through on their wind down this side of Kansas, displacing everything along the way, from Toto to entire towns, grass and all. One year in the not-so-distant past, this state got ripped a new one. Somebody managed to hang onto a healthy sense of humor in the aftermath, in the form of a real estate ad in the local newspaper claiming a $210,000 markdown on account of the house and outbuildings being located somewhere between Sheldon and Stockton Missouri. The pond was still there, however they would not go as far as to say that the fish were. I laughed hysterically and shoved it in an envelope addressed to Jay Leno.

Satellite TV charges an extra fee here for local channel access so we used the pre-installed clothesline conversion kit hugging our gutters. That first season, the lightening was very intimate with us, several times. The satellite box was replaced twice, and the phones fried a little more often. Since all the electrical discharges tended to happen on the south side of the house, in the vicinity of our spiffy newly acquired television antenna, we decided, the darn thing must be attracting all the attention and had to go. It continued to happen. So, still grieving the loss of our local news, we agreed to give it another chance after ripping out the pile of rocks being passed off for a heating alternative.

Since then we have had fewer encounters with the natural energy source that had been dogging us. It seems those stones were not only bad fireplace rock, but they must've been coercing Mother Nature. So, we're okay with the antenna now, and the satellite service is alright also, when we have a clear view of the southern sky. In a weather saturated Mid-West that doesn't happen everyday.
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3/24/2005 11:16 PM