Breasts-O-Plenty

Once we conquer the milestone of sixteen, our sights move on to grander, more mature dreams. For some it's college, for most it's Las Vegas. Awe, the bright lights, free drinks, topless chorus lines, and what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. The town that never sleeps. It's like a perpetual Spring break. It'll go on as long as you so desire or until you're broke.
It's one of the top relocation choices of retiree's from all walks. My mother retired there. It wasn't her first choice. In fact, it may not have entered into her mind until the difficult sale of her Utah home forced her to stay nearby just in case it fell through which was, that's right, Vegas.

During that time she became intimate with the other Vegas. The one filled with Star Trek conventions, book signing's, gallery openings and little known outlying areas filled with rich inconsequential histories, and let us pay homage to the endless parade of buffets with 2 for 1 coupons that city is so famous for.

Our first stop on our trip was The San Remo Hotel and Casino conveniently located a spitting distance from the International Airport and The Strip. We arrived on Mothers Day. It was great. My uncle was also visiting from a galaxy far far away, called Ipswich. Yeah, that's a real name. It's in Sussex. Did I lose you again? Does England sound familiar? We'll go with that.
We did all the Mothers Day things that bring a smile to the face and a few other things. The best part was seeing my Mom. Then there were the other perks, my brother Steve, Uncle Doug and my sister Alice. She flew in from Burbank a few days earlier and was scheduled to stay at our hotel as well.

The hotel was nice enough, reasonable and close. However, it's internet site failed to mention it's dirty little secret. One that could spell controversy for a primary school teacher. I literally walked right into it. A big fat advertisement sporting breasts as big as my head at eye level inside the front door. Knockers. Or was it Hooter's? Anyway, the place is scheduled to make the change over to a hotel built on mammary glands. Oh dear. How was I going to tell Alice that I booked her a room in the future home of....
breasts-o-plenty? As it was, I wouldn't have to worry about it for long, she was ten paces behind me. She smiled and tried to hide the panic. She did a good job too until I insisted on picking up a paper in the lobby and the front page headline was something about a teachers second job at a casino being grounds for investigation and probably dismissal. Ouch. It read like the Spanish Inquisition. I just HAD to buy a paper, didn't I? Smooth.

Angry Public: Let's tie her to a boulder and throw her in Lake Mead!
Holier Than Thou'st's: Stone her to death!
School Board: How dare she supplement her meager income!
Judge:I only have one question before I pass sentence, do you do private parties?

We've removed some really anal dress codes and prayer from our schools since my day, so who cares if the third grade teacher wears pasties in her free time? Who's it hurting? Do you really think one of her students might catch her act? It's got to pay a whole lot more than the school district. I have a new found respect for the systems new scape goat. Think about it, she can't make more than $30,000 a year (if she's at the high end of the pay scale, which I doubt), and this woman chooses to swing nipple tassels in her spare time between planning curriculum and wiping our snot nosed kids faces just so she can afford the privilege of raising our intensely screwed up generation of me-me's and this is how we repay her, with a front page spread, just in case any of those 10 year old's didn't catch her show, they can bring in the article for current events or show-and-tell.

My sister braved the 3 day stay at the future Busts-R-Us. Our stay went unnoticed. we had a great time with everybody, had a tour of Wynn Towers, where Steve is working, checked in on our lion cubs at the MGM, took the Shark Reef tour and rode the new tram to the Sahara where John drove the Nascar simulator. He broke free of his usual old lady driving habits after a couple laps, not one car passed him, and he only died once or twice. All in all it would've been an okay race...had he been going in the right direction.
5/29/2005 1:44 AM
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