Bladder Busters and Chore Choppers

I woke with a jolt, the phone was ringing and I heard truck doors slamming shut out in the drive. I would have loved to just roll over and forget about it. It was gloomy and wet out. The Noah radio said it wouldn't be passing anytime soon either. I try to listen to it each night before I retire so I'll know if I should bother staying up after my first daylight trip to the john, and that's what it said last night. What's the point of getting up if all I can do is house work? Like they say, it'll still be there later. The domestic bondage of womanhood is a horrendous injustice if you ask me. I figure if I ignore it long enough, like my ex-husband, it will disappear, never to be heard from again.

I'm not a jumpy person, but my bladder is a little high strung and has taken carte blanche over other wonton bodily desires. The underhanded organ filched the power long ago. I believe the doctor said it had something to do with my caffeine dip stick reading a quart high.

It was mostly curiosity that drove me from my bed...that and I had to pee. Two truck doors slammed and then the engine turned over while at the same time the phone was answered and then someone came in the back door. Hmmm....a bit too industrious even for John. It wreaked of multiple personages and here I was flopped across my bed twisted up in my bedspread with my door wide open and my jammies hoisted up around...a part of me they shouldn't be hoisted up around.

Grumpily I surrendered to fate. Lucky for whomever it was making all the sounds of the living, they were gone, except for John. He's immune to my morningness anyways. He keeps me placated with an offering of a fresh pot every morning. I'm just not any fun to be around, let alone coherent without my Java.

If I'd of cracked my eyes a little wider I would have noticed the plastic runner in the hall, someone had kicked a corner up and those little rubber spikes were begging to make contact with my tender tootsies. It felt like I was walking on choya.

I screamed, "Who left the frickin' cactus in the hall?"

No reply.
John was a little out of ear shot and hard of hearing. Must be why we get along so well.

The mailman pulled away as I was filling my mug so I moseyed out to fetch whatever it was he was stuffing in the box. Merlin's new shades had arrived. He looked so cool in his Doggles. He's a dog, so he likes to stick his head out the window. He is unlike most in the respect that he doesn't like the way the wind makes his eyes water. He also seemed a bit envious of my Foster Grants so I thought, Why not?

That goofy little thing put me in such a mood that next thing I knew I had cleaned the majority of the basement, rearranged a couple rooms and did a bunch of laundry, dishes and did some ordering for a friend and made all the calls on my list. I wish every $12 I spent did that for me.
So I'm sitting here thinking that if the weather robot says it's still gonna be raining in the morning, maybe I'll spend $13 dollars tonight and see what kind of productivity that provokes. I figure eventually I will find the perfect expenditure to formulate the right reflexive response resulting in the completion of pending drudgery that awaits me at the onset of each day. I can't wait to see what gets done when I buy a new car!
word count 627
4/26/2005 0:44 AM