Mata Hari and the Harper Valley PTA

Tao Quote of the Day:

Intelligent people know others.
Enlightened people know themselves.
You can conquer others with power,
But it takes true strength to conquer yourself.

I used to be an obsessive-compulsive. I obsessed about some of the strangest things. For example, perfection. Perfect clothes, perfect shoes, perfectly ratted to its max 80's hair and the perfect body for the skin- tight gaudiness of the day. Perfectly clean and immaculately attired children that matched perfectly, even though there was 2 1/2 years difference. Lucky for my frail reality, my perfectly matched toe-heads, stayed nearly the same size; Which made finding those twinzy outfits easier. Trying to dress all three of us the same was harder to do. I would end up looking like a pimped lollipop, or my daughters would come out looking like child porn stars. So the notion was short lived. In fact, it never made it out of the house.

We learned to live with our differences. My girls were pretty in pink and French braids, while I turned heads at the Harper Valley PTA , a Mata Hari in stilettos.

I don't think any single moms actually start out looking so different from the K Mart Queens you find attending the bake sale booth at the school fair, except that they possess a keener sense of individualism. It's the imposed alienation that transforms. Somehow being the whispered about and pointed at, and being treated like you are in fact sleeping with every woman's husband which acts as the catalyst that brings out the volatile seductress.

Every snide remark or unfriendly glare results in tighter, shorter skirts, more cleavage. It's like washing an Angora sweater in very hot water. You get the same results, only the sweater has less to prove.

My nemesis was the entire married community and they detested the existence of me in all my Vanna Whiteness. All I had done to rate their disapproval was to live through the divorce. Apparently, discarded wives have no right to draw another breath once the divorce decree is final. It hurt, but most of all it made me angry.

One day I accidentally stumbled upon the realization that they were creating a monster. Once I got a grip on myself, and toned back down, yet still clinging fiercely to my desire for perfection, I turned to flaunting the freedom issue. I no longer felt the need to be bound by social conformity. they resented my affirmations of singularity, I resented their Katherine Smith wardrobe and their Martha Stuart obsessions. I dared push the lines of acceptability with my Nike-No-Fear attitude.

I eventually outgrew the need to retaliate against the pressures of my peers with belligerent good looks. I began finding great entertainment in dissecting each harbinger of sociopathic married ladies sodality. It's okay if they want to keep their distance. It forced me into exploring myself thoroughly. What I found surprised me.

I found
that I can tell more about a person in five minutes than most people want to you find out in five years.
I have developed an appreciation for all that makes me indelibly me, and I'm okay with all of it.
I have no desire to hold power over anyone for any reason.
above all else, I enjoy command performances of self-improvement.
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2/8/2005 9:1 PM